The Brilliance of Chatrooms
by gurugirl
Summary: Tonks and Remus discover what fun can be had in a muggle chatroom. lots of other characters thrown in too. Please read! Rated T. kinda AU. For now it is complete, may write more later.
1. Tongues

**The order decided to use a method of contact that no deatheater would ever think of. It's meant for order business only, but will it be used that way. Gurugirl presents... The brilliance of chatrooms. Tonks and Remus, with Sirius and Mad-eye chucked in. Sorry if this gets slightly confusing, it was a spare of the moment thing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise from somewhere else.**

**~Rainbow Chick **entering chatroom~

~_Sxc Wolf _entering chatroom~

**Rainbow Chick says: **

**Heya Remy!**

_Sxc Wolf says: _

_Don't call me that, Nymphadora._

**Rainbow chick says:**

**Don't call me Nymphadora, then. **

**And sxc wolf?**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Sirius said to put it. Why? Don't you think I'm sexy?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

***Clears throat* don't you hvae a message for me?**

**I mean have***

**I hate muggle contraptions!!!**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Yes. The message is that your on duty tomorrow night. Muhwahahahaha!_

_Yes, i'm evil scary Remus, who has just beat Mad-eye at checkers, right now. While I was talking to you! See, blokes can multi task. Oh, he's stomped out._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Your scaring me.**

~**Tiddlywinks** entering chatroom~

**Tiddlywinks says:**

**Hello, my evil minions.**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Were not your evil minions!**

_Sxc Wolf:_

_Yeah. Were not evil! Were something else, which I would say if I weren't in fear of Tonks, who may castrate me!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Why would I castrate you?**

**Tiddlywinks says:**

**Cause your mean! Bow down to the greatness of tiddlywinks!**

**Rainbow says: **

**Sirius, what is up with that name?**

**Did azkaban effect you more mentally than you let on?**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Thats not nice Tonks._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Whatever :p**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Don't whatever me._

**Rainbow Chick:**

**.... :p **

**:p**

**:p**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Silly girl, messing with a wolf._

_Why am I still here?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**:p**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Put that tongue away. Rude, immature little girl!_

_*My McGonagall impression*_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Make me. :p**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_I will make you._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**And your gonna do that... how exactly?**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_I can be very persuasive._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Be persuasive then.**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Can't on this muggle contraption, cause I can't see you._

_And I can't force a tongue back in through this tiny screen._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

***Giggle***

**Sirius_Sex_God says:**

**Stop with this, it's sickening. I'd rather what Kreacher snog my mothers old bloomers than sit here, reading this.**

Rainbow Chick says:

Go ahead then.

~Madeye entering chatroom~

Madeye says:

Shouldn't you three be doing something more constructive? 

What are you doing anyway?

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Sirius wants to watch kreacher snog his mums knickers, and Remus wants to force my tongue into my mouth...**

Madeye says:

... ???

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**...or into his!**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_I never said that._

**Sirius_Sex_God says:**

**It was implied.**

Madeye says:

You lot are acting like a bunch of teenagers. I need civilised conversation. Perhaps Minerva's still up.

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Ooooh, Minerva!**

**Sirius_Sex_God says:**

**Oooh! Madeye loves Minnie.**

**Change your name to Minnie lover!!**

Madeye says:

No.

_Madeye4Minnie says:_

_Hahaha. My name is now out there for the whole order to see!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Nice one Remus! :p **

_Madeye4Minnie says:_

_Thank you._

_And I told you to stop poking your tongue out at me_.

Madeye says:

Change it Lupin.

_Madeye4Minnie says:_

_No, thanks._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Hey Remus?**

_Madeye4Minnie says:_

_yeah?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**:p **

_Madeye4Minnie says:_

_Stop it!_

**RemusIsSexuallyFrustrated says:**

**Aww, don't be mean to Moony. He hasn't got any in years...**

_Sxc Wolf says:_

_Shut up, Padfoot._

**RemusIsSexuallyFrustrated says:**

**Oh, just give in Moony and except that your gagging for it.**

_Moony Hates Padfoot says:_

_SHUT UP PADFOOT!_

**Rainbow Chick says: **

**Stop changing your names all the time!**

**And I don't have a problem with him gagging for it Sirius. Why are you so bothered? Jealous, perhaps?**

**RemusIsSexuallyFrusrated says:**

**I don't want to have it on with my cousin!**

**Rainbow Chick says: **

**I wasn't on about me...**

**RemusIsSexuallyFrustrated says:**

**I do not want to...do that...to Moony!**

_Moony is grossed out says:_

_No F***ing way Tonks. Hell no._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Again with the name changing!**

**And you protest a little to vehemously, me thinks!**

Madeye says:

This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.

**RemusIsSexuallyFrustrated says:**

**Give Minerva an extra snog from me!**

~Madeye has left the chatroom~

_Moony says:_

_Thats gross Sirius._

**RemusIsSexuallyFrustrated says:**

**Shut up baby Tonksie!**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**That was Remus, not me, you twit.**

**:p**

_Moony says:_

_Again with the tongue!!!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**:p**

**Did it again :p**

**Can't stop me.**

_Moony says:_

_Your a tease._

_Where are you by the way?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**In my room. You?**

_Moony says:_

_My room._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**ummm, Remus...**

_Moony says:_

_Yes?_

**Rainbow Chick says: **

**Well it's just...**

_Moony says:_

_Whats wrong?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**:p**

_Moony says:_

_Right that's it! I'm coming over there!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**You can't be serious!**

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**Technically, i'm Sirius.**

~_Moony_ has left the chatroom~

**Rainbow Chick says: **

**Theres a knock at my door. BRB.**

**I'm back. **

**It's Remus**.

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**Thought as much.**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**gyrfhgjbhn**

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**WTF!?**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Hand slipped.**

~**Rainbow Chick **has invited **BlackPaintNeverRuns** to view webcam~

~**BlackPaintNeverRuns** has accepted the invitation~

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**No! TONKS! I DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU AND MY BEST MATESwapping spit!**

~**BlackPaintNeverRuns** has stopped viewing webcam~

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Finger slipped. Sorry.**

**And thats a rather crude way to put it!**

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**Don't care.**

**And if your going to do THAT, sign out!**

~**Rainbow Chick** has left the chatroom~

**BlackPaintNeverRuns says:**

**Great.**

**I'm on my own.**

**Talking to myself.**

***awkward***

~**BlackPaintNeverRuns** has left the chatroom~

~Gurugirl entering chatroom~

Gurugirl says:

Hello? Hello? Anyone one on?

Damn, there's never anyone interesting on!

*sigh*

~Gurugirl has left the chatroom~

**Please read and review. Completed unless anyone wants more, or me to change something. Gurugirl xx**


	2. Bubblebaths

**So, on request that I write another chapter, I wrote another chapter. P.s. Does anyone have any good chapter titles? Something I can put instead of chapter 1 and chapter 2. Which are quite boring titles.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise from somewhere else.**

**KnittersUnite**entering chatroom~

~**Rainbow Chick **entering chatroom~

**Rainbow Chicks says:**

**Who are you?**

**KnittersUnite says:**

**Who are you?**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Tonks**

**KnittersUnite says:**

**Molly.**

~ SnapesLoveSnake entering chatroom~

SnapesLoveSnake says:

Hello guys! How did I get on this thing?

Am I ment to be here?

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**You got on via a computer!**

**And I don't know how you got here.**

**Depends on who you are.**

SnapesLoveSnake says:

Haha, it's a secret!

~_Wolf in the moonlight _entering chatroom~

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Hello Molly._

_Hello Nymphadora._

_Hello..._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**We don't know who he/she is.**

SnapesLoveSnake says:

Hey! I Resent that.

I'm a guy

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Ok then.**

**And don't call me Nymphadora.**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_You didn't mind me calling you that last night!_

_What's so different now?_

**KnittersUnite says:**

**What hapened last night??!!**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Nothing Molly.**

**And because everyone will think they can call me Nymphadora.**

**Which they cannot.**

SnapesLoveSnake says:

Nymphadora.

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Shut it!**

~_Sirius is sexy_ entering chatroom~

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Wotcher cousin!**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Hey pads._

**KnittersUnite says:**

**Sirius Black! **

**Have you done what I asked, before you came on here!!?**

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_What are you, my mother?_

**KnittersUnite says:**

**No, your mum is a disgusting old bag, on a painting downstairs that keeps screaming everytime Tonks falls over.**

**I'm sorry dear but you are an awful clutz.**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**No need for apologies.**

***sob***

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Aww, baby, don't cry._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**I'm not. :p**

_Wolf in the Moonlight says:_

_Oh, we are NOT starting that again._

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_You no Molly, you and my mum have simular characteristics._

_And please don't start it again._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**That's mean Sirius!**

**And I won't.**

RedHairedFury says:

Don't you dare call my mum that hag!!!

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Ah, so your a Weasley._

_I'm guessing your one of the twins. _

_Isn't only the order ment to be on here?_

**Rainbow Chicks says:**

**Yes, but were not exactly discussing order business are we?**

**I think the kids should be allowed.**

**Oh, and it's Fred.**

_Wolf in the Moonlight says:_

_How do you know?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Aha! not telling.**

**It's a secret.**

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_Well, Molly likes to hit me with a broom if I don't do what i'm asked._

_Though mum did use harder objects._

_And there both obsessive about everything being clean._

Fred in da House says:

yo! He's got a point.

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_And they look like Twins._

Fred in da house says:

I'm a twin.

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**I'm bored.**

**Your all weird.**

**And Dawlish was hitting on me today, so I do not need this!**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_He did what!!?_

**KnittersUnite says:**

**That's not right.**

**You poor thing.**

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_Ewww! Tonksie has got some old guy perving on her._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**He's the same age as you and Remus.**

_Sirius is sexy says:_

_No way! Were way better looking,_

_And that means Remus is a perv too!_

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_How?_

_RemusLuvsTonks says:_

_Have a wild guess._

_I had to use earplugs._

_Gits!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Remus ain't a perv.**

**I don't want Dawlish all over me.**

Fred in da House says:

Who's Dawlish?

**KnittersUnite says:**

**Why did you have to use earplugs?**

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Dawlish is an auror.**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_More like a Bastard_

_Who better keep his hands off my Tonks._

_RemusLuvsTonks says:_

_Yep. He's like Moony._

_*cowers under glares* I take it back._

_And does that mean you want Remus all over you?_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

***no reason***

**Anyway Sirius, if you really must know.**

**I've already had Remus all over me!**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Nymphadora!! You shouldn't have said that._

_Sirius is gonna kill Moony says:_

_Run, moonboy! My baby cousin, why Remus?_

_I shall kill you in your sleep, swap your wolfsbane for that muggle pop stuff and turn you clothes blue!_

**KnittersUnite says:**

**Your lot are scaring me.**

**I think i'll be leaving.**

**Goodbye.**

~**KnittersUnite** has left the chatroom~

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Bye Molly.**

**Oh, she's gone already.**

_Sirius is gonna kill Moony says:_

_Shame_

Fred in da house says:

Sirius, you fancy my mum!

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Hahahaha._

_It does seem that way._

_Sirius is gonna kill Moony says:_

_I do not!_

_We hate each other._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Isn't hate the first step towards love.**

***giggle***

_SiriusBlack says:_

_I do not!_

_Go play with Moony._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Don't mind if I do!**

**At least I can get some!**

Fred in da house says:

You lot are really bitchy.

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**I outstrip Umbridge in the bitchiness contest.**

**And I am aware that bitchiness is probs not a word/or spelt like that.**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Except she's evil. _

_Whereas you are wonderful._

Fred in da house says:

Do you and Tonks go out, professor?

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_I dunno. Do we?_

_SiriusBlack says:_

_YES!!_

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**I dunno, really.**

**I'm off to take a bubble bath.**

**Night everyone.**

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Night sexy xx_

_SiriusBlack says:_

_Night._

~**Rainbow Chick** has left the chatroom~

Fred in da house says:

George is disappointed.

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Why?_

Fred in da house says:

George fancies Tonks.

_SiriusBlack says:_

_Hahaha. _

_Looks like you have some competition mate._

~**Rainbow Chick** entering chatroom~

_SiriusBlack says:_

_Your back._

_George fancies you._

**Rainbow Chick says:**

**Good to know.**

**Remus, I said 'i'm off to take a bubble bath'.**

**It's almost run. ;p**

~**Rainbow Chick** has left the chatroom~

_Wolf in the Moonlight says:_

_That's my cue to go._

_Sweet sweet bubble baths._

_Goodnight._

_SiriusBlack says:_

_Yeah, it probably will be for you you._

_Whipped!_

_I'm going to go see if I can persuade Buckbeak to eat kreacher._

_Wolf in the moonlight says:_

_Have fun with that._

_Don't wait up._

~_Wolf in the moonlight _has left the chatroom~

_SiriusBlack says:_

_Bye Fred_

~_SiriusBlack _has left the chatroom~

Fred in da house says:

I think i'll go find Harry. Tell him about this place.

I'm talking to myself. Hmmm...

~Fred in da house has left the chatroom~

**Ok, at your request I decided to continue this, but i'm gonna need your help. Any characters, quotes, conversation topics you would like me to use? Oh, and the title names! Please let me know, and review!**


	3. Dragons Vs Goblins

**Thanks to fd-hp-ECluvr for the ideas on this one. Those who also gave me ideas, do not fret. They shall be coming up in the next chapters. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: If you recognise them from somewhere else, there not mine.**

~_Royal_ entering chatroom~

~**GoblinsGold** entering chatroom~

~**Scales entering** chatroom~

**Scales says:**

**Hey Bill. How things in London?**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Rubbish.**

**Why is your name scales, Charlie?**

**You haven't mated with a dragon have you?**

**Scales says:**

**Oh, shut up.**

**Of course not!**

**Why's yours GoblinsGold?**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Cause I get gold and work with goblins, dummy!**

**Scales says:**

**You still work with those creepy little things?**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Yes, I do.**

**And there not creepy, there very intelligent.**

**Smarter than dragons.**

**Scales says:**

**No way! **

**Goblins = Ugly**

**Dragons = smart**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**How are dragons smart?**

**Do they calculate the distance away from you they are, so they can get the correct projectory when they breathe fire at you?**

_Royal says:_

_As entertaining as this is..._

_...could you shut up?_

**Scales says:**

**No. No. No. No.**

**Dragons rock!!**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Kingsley got told.**

**What are you doing on here anyway?**

_Royal says:_

_Tonks kept nagging me._

_And neither are smart, my teddy bear is smarter than both of them put together._

**GoblinsGold says:**

**You have a teddy bear?**

**Scales says:**

**What's he called?**

**Mr. cuddles?**

***snigger***

_Royal says:_

_Fluffy, actually._

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Oh yes, and thats not remotely embarassing.**

**Your a grown man Kingsley.**

**Why do you still have a teddy?**

**Scales says: **

**Do you still have a Merlin night light?**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**No that's you Charlie.**

**Scales says: **

**Shut up!**

_Royal says:_

_And the truth is revealed._

_+ atleast i'm not infatuated with big, scaly dragons._

_Big teeth, lots of fire._

_No wonder your single._

**GoblinsGold says:**

**LMAO!!**

**Scales says:**

**You can talk.**

**Your still single, and your older than me.**

**What's 'LMAO' mean?**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Laughing my arse off**

**Scales says:**

**Oh.**

~_RubberDuck_ entering chatroom~

_RubberDuck says:_

_Hello boys!_

_What are you discussing?_

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Hey dad.**

**Charlies licks dragon's arse!**

**And Kingsley has a Teddy bear named Fluffy!**

**Scales says:**

**Bills eloping with a Goblin!**

_RubberDuck says:_

_Eh, Bill, you have my blessing._

_Hey Kingsley. What exactly is the function of a teddy bear?_

_Royal says:_

_Cuddling up to mainly._

_And they make good presents too._

_RubberDuck says:_

_They sound interesting._

**GoblinsGold says:**

**I am not marrying a Goblin!**

**Just because you wish human/dragon relationships were legal.**

**Scales says:**

**I do not.**

**I just believe dragons are smart and more approachable creatures than goblins.**

**GoblinsGolds says:**

**Oh, of course. **

**Cause a goblin breathes fire at you when you approach it, whereas a dragon purrs like a little pussy cat. **

**Only a complete nutter would want to work with them.**

**Scales says:**

**You did NOT just call me a nutter!**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Oh yes I did.**

**Scales says:**

**DRAGONS RULE!!!**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**No Goblins rule!!**

**Dragons are evil!**

**Scales says:**

**So are Goblins.**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Aha. So you admit dragons are evil?**

**Scales says:**

**Yes**

**No.**

**Huh?**

_Royal says:_

_There both evil dammit!_

_Find something nice to like._

**Scales says:**

**Like a teddy?**

***snigger***

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Charlie can't do that.**

**He has too many already.**

**He'd have no where to put it.**

_RubberDuck says:_

_Boys! _

_Royal says:_

_It was fun chating, but i'm out of here._

_RubberDuck says:_

_Ok, bye._

**Scales says:**

**Say hello to Fluffy for us**

_Royal says:_

_Will do._

_Stupid red haired morons_.

**Scales says:**

**I think I speak for red heads around the world when I say 'HEY!!'**

**+To that statement.**

~_Royal_ has left the chatroom~

**GoblinsGold says:**

**The best you could come up with was 'Hey!!'**

**How am I even related to you.**

**Scales says:**

**Well, I certainly won't describe how it happened.**

**Or draw diagrams.**

**Or show you pictures.**

**Work it out yourself**

_RubberDuck says:_

_I never knew my sons hated eachother_

_And I won't explain how you two became related, either!_

**Scales says:**

**We don't hate eachother.**

**And I already know!**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**We're actually pretty good mates.**

**Scales says:**

**But when it comes to Dragons Vs. Goblins**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**It's war.**

_RubberDuck says:_

_Ok then..._

_Should I tell your mother about this?_

**Scales says:**

**NO!! **

**She'll make me come over, I can't leave my dragons now.**

**They're in the middle of mating season, everything has to go right.**

**GoblinsGold says:**

***Snigger***

**Which ones are you father too?**

**Scales says:**

**None **

**She'll make you come home too, tie you to a chair and cut off you hair.**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**She wouldn't!!**

**No, dad. Don't tell Mum.**

**Please, i'm begging.**

~KnittersUnite entering chatroom~

KnittersUnite says:

Afternoon boys!

**Scales says:**

**Hey mum.**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Hi.**

_RubberDuck says:_

_Hello dear._

KnittersUnite says:

Arthur, why is your name RubberDuck?

_RubberDuck says:_

_Well, dear, I like rubber ducks._

**Scales says:**

**Yeah mum, he's infatuated with them.**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Yeah, he nicked my small yellow one the other day.**

**He was mean, mummy.**

KnittersUnite says:

Really?

Arthur, how could you steal from our children?

_RubberDuck says:_

_I did no such thing. I merely borrowed it._

_Without permission._

_And with no intention of giving it back._

**GoblinsGold says:**

**WHAT!!!?**

**You mean you actually took it!**

**I wasn't making it up?**

KnittersUnite says:

Oh, so you were lying to me?

*menacing eyes*

**Scales says:**

**Charlie chuckles.**

**LMAO!**

**GoblinsGold says:**

**Well, I need to be going.**

**Work.**

**You know, with the goblins.**

**...And Fleur.**

***sigh***

KnittersUnite says:

Who's Fleur?

**GoblinsGold says:**

**No-one.**

**Gotta go.**

**Bye **

~**GoblinsGold** has just left the chatroom~

**Scales says:**

**Well, that was fun.**

KnittersUnite says:

Do you know who Fleur is, Charlie?

**Scales says:**

**Works at Gringotts.**

**Bill's Girlfriend.**

**They sneak around and make-out in the vaults.**

**And I'm pretty sure that he had forbidden me from revealing all of the above.**

**Hmmmm...**

KnittersUnite says:

What?

My little Bill has a girlfriend?

Oh no no no.

_RubberDuck says:_

_Molly, you can't meddle_

_She's probably really nice._

_Right Charlie._

**Scales says:**

**She's french.**

KnittersUnite says:

Right that's it.

I'm signing out.

_RubberDuck says:_

_Why?_

KnittersUnite says:

I feel a certain urge to give Gringotts a visit.

_RubberDuck says:_

_Molly, No!_

Knittersunite says:

Too late.

_RubberDuck says:_

_Atleast let me come with you?_

**Scales says:**

**I have dragons to tend to.**

**Bye**

KnittersUnite says:

Alright Arthur, but get a move on.

**Scales says:**

**And i'm ignored.**

~**Scales** has left the chatroom~

_RubberDuck says:_

_I'll meet you at Gringotts in 5 mins._

KnittersUnite says:

Hurry up!

~KnittersUnite has left the chatroom~

_RubberDuck says:_

_*Sigh*_

_Poor Bill._

_Neither Dragons nor Goblins rule, because Muggles are best of all!_

~_RubberDuck_ has left the chatroom~

**I think Arthur has a point there, don't you? Please review, it'll brighten my day! xx**


End file.
